It's been months since my last Blogger post, and a lot has happened since then; precious little of it having been good. On September 11th, 2023, my car broke down as a result of a faulty oil change, which forced me to come out to Mom under emergency circumstances, since she was the only person in the world I could call for help. The resulting conversation was shocking, degrading, manipulative, and insulting, and it's caused a rift between us that will take a considerable amount of time to heal, if it ever does. My financial situation has also been dire, as the geniuses at my job have been cutting our sorely-needed hours like cheap coupons in order to ensure their own billion-dollar bonuses. So I'm currently seeking a brand-new job, or possibly multiple part-time jobs, in order to make ends meet.
In addition, I've suffered regular attacks and acts of discrimination against me for my gender identity; I made the mistake of coming over to the parents' house for game night in full femme mode, not realizing that Mom had completely failed to inform Dad of my trans identity, resulting in him being shocked at my appearance and insisting that I'm "not a woman". Meanwhile at work, I've been muscled out of using the women's restroom under threat of violence, even being told by one coworker "if I'd been anyone else, and his wife was in there and felt uncomfortable, he'd have wanted to beat me up". I've attempted to transfer to another store, but management is so breathtakingly inept that it's proven to be a pointless endeavor.
Needless to say, my mental health has been crippled so hard by these recent events that it's become difficult for me to get out of bed every morning. I've even been plagued by thoughts of death, just wanting to be put out of my misery so that I won't hurt anymore. I'm pushing forward every day, but the fact of the matter is that I'm not well. I'm sick and tired of having to be the strong girl all the time, enduring blow after blow after soul-crushing blow. Climate change is killing us. The economy is in shambles. Our own politicians want to kill trans people. I don't want to go on, but I will. I will just to show my enemies that I'm still alive, and that I'm still living my best life. And when their headstones are laid at my feet, I'll be standing taller than they ever were.
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